Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:

What is the biggest obstacle you face in being able to date your spouse?

I’ll get us started …

My answer is probably one that many of you share … time. It’s true that there’s just never enough time to fit everything in … including date nights. But, knowing that to be true in addition to knowing how crucial dating my hubs is, I have learned that you simply have to make time.

Sometimes it’s as simple as a walk in the park together hand-in-hand while other times it’s a more elaborate night including dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by a Broadway performance. Whatever it is, I love spending time with my hubby. He is my favorite person, and going on dates reminds me of why I chose him to spend the rest of my life with. As we make memories and have a blast, I savor those precious moments of maintaining the love, friendship, and relationship that we committed our lives to.

Okay, it’s your turn!

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It’s tragic, but many marriages don’t end in happiness and longevity. Rather than celebrating a fifty year anniversary, couples find themselves asking, “What happened?” as they tote the kids back and forth between homes. For many, their fairytale ending turned into a nightmare somewhere along the way.

While there are a lot of reasons why marriages fail, one of the biggest culprits is complacency. We do all the work to snag our spouse, and then once they’re ours, we put the relationship into cruise control. We stop doing all of the things we once did to win their affections. But marriage is a continuous journey of winning our spouse’s affections. Every day, every week, every month, every year … we have to keep fighting for their love.

When we start taking our spouse, our marriage, and our relationship for granted, that’s when it starts going downhill. That’s when the love and passion start dying. Just like a fire needs to continually have wood thrown on to keep its flames burning, a marriage needs to continually have romance and effort thrown in there to keep the passion and love burning bright.

Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:

What do you find most difficult about marriage?

If you aren’t married yet, what do you find most difficult about the dating process?

I’ll get us started …

Marriage is certainly an adjustment. You have two people who are two different genders under one roof trying to form one life. It’s bound to be a bumpy road of compromise, grace, and adaptation.

From my point of view, one of the most difficult things about marriage is navigating through the dynamics of families of origin. Up until you get married, you and your family have a way of functioning. You assume that life with your family is normal. Your spouse feels the same way about his family. It quickly becomes evident that you didn’t just marry one another, you married each other’s family as well.

Family is such a touchy subject a lot of times, and it can definitely be difficult trying to sort through how you are going to function as a married couple with two different families of origin with two different ways of doing things. As time goes on, you work as a couple to sift through how you’re going to manage those new dynamics. Soon, you adapt to the situation, grow as an individual, and learn more about the person you married.

Okay, it’s your turn!

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Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:

What are some of your favorite ways to express your love and appreciation to your spouse or significant other?

I’ll get us started …

I know that my husband loves being affirmed, so I try to find different ways to do just that. Probably the most frequent way I do so is by simply verbally expressing how much I love him and how much he means to me. When he does things for me whether big, small, ordinary, or extraordinary, I make sure to thank him and let him know how much it means to me.

The other way I like to most often affirm my husband is through notes. Whether it’s a little post-it note on the front door in the morning on his way to work or a romantic card, I feel like this is a simple and tangible way to dote on him.

I find that the smallest of expressions of love and appreciation can make a huge impact on your spouse and marriage. It just takes a little time and thought, but it’s well worth it to fill up your spouse’s love tank and put a smile on his/her face.

Okay, it’s your turn!

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Do you have any specific goals for your marriage, relationship, and/or life for 2012?

I’ll get us started …

Something I really want to work on with my marriage for 2012 is being more thoughtful. When you get married, it’s easy to forget to dote on your spouse. You get caught up in the day to day and forget to think of sweet gestures of love and affection for your spouse. While I try to keep my husband, Steve, in mind and do small things for him, I really want to up my game this year. He’s incredibly great at springing spectacular surprises on me, and I want to try and show him I have a few tricks up my sleeve too. Big or small, the point for me is just to communicate that he is still worth my time, effort, and creative energies … and always will be.

Okay, it’s your turn!

Congratulations to our December Winner … Nereida Vazquez!!! Keep trying everyone! We love hearing from you

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By Ashley McIlwain

My husband, Steve, and I travel around quite a bit trying to visit with our families that happen to be spread across the United States. While we love visiting our families, it can be challenging to save vacation time, energy, and money to go and do things that we want to do outside of those trips. What we’ve tried to do though is combine the two when possible.

Over Christmas we did just that. It was our turn to visit with Steve’s family up in the bay area, so we managed to squeeze in a few extra little “just the two of us” moments where we could. It made for a very busy Christmas vacation, but we loved every second of it.

First on the list was to head into San Francisco for a quick day trip. It’s tough to beat a big city during Christmas time. The decorations, bustle, and overall cheer makes me giddy with excitement. We enjoyed all of our favorite spots including Union Square, Fisherman’s Wharf, and Pier 39. Of course we had to hop on the trolleys a time or two, which is always a highlight of being in San Fran.

Also on the agenda this trip was checking out the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory. It turned out to be a tiny, hole-in-the-wall, four person operation. Not only were we amazed at this spectacle, but we took advantage of devouring fresh, flat fortune cookies. All around, we loved exploring one of our favorite cities during the most wonderful time of year.

At the end of our visit with Steve’s family, we decided to take a stroll down memory lane by cruising down the 101. We took this gorgeous, California coastal drive for the first time on our engagement trip back in 2007, and we hadn’t done it since. It was so much fun exploring some new and old places along the way.

Our first stop was Santa Cruz. We decided to hit up The Mystery Spot. I’d heard of this place and certainly seen the well-known bumper stickers, so we just had to check it out. It was definitely interesting to experience the gravitational oddities and hypothesize as to what might be the cause. At the end of it all though, we were left with an unsolved mystery … spot.

After being mystified, we checked out the Santa Cruz boardwalk, which is a cool hybrid of beach meets carnival meets arcade. Candy, rollercoasters, and scenic views made for an amusing afternoon together. We followed that up by revisiting the gorgeous, breathtaking spot where Steve proposed to me. It’s tough to even describe the picturesque scene that stirs up so many wonderful memories from the second most incredible day of my life (next to our wedding day, of course). There’s nothing like revisiting somewhere that is so special to you as a couple. I highly recommend everyone doing this from time to time.

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What was your favorite part about 2011? What are you most looking forward to in 2012?

I’ll get us started …

To be very honest, I feel like the years all kind of blend together. It only gets worse the older I get because time seems to fly by with a (scarily) quickening pace. This question took me some time to think about.

Probably my favorite part of 2011 was just the lessons I learned along the way. I really focused on trying to be content and enjoy the journey rather than push the pace in order to get from one goal to another. I’m a perfectionist by nature, and I demand a lot of myself. That often leads me to miss out on the joy of getting where I’m going because of the frantic pressures I place on myself. So, this year I’ve tried to slow down a little bit in my ambition to where I do my best, allow God to do the rest, and take time to savor where I’m currently at regardless of where that is. It’s been a challenging lesson, but it’s been one I’ve needed to learn (and am still trying to).

Other than that, I’ve loved the memories made with my husband, our families, and friends. God’s been good to us, and I never want to take that for granted. We’ve had some really fun adventures, and I’m so looking forward to all the ones yet to come in 2012. I love anticipating what’s to come because no matter what it is – good or bad – it will be a memory and an opportunity to grow.    

Okay, it’s your turn!

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Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:

With Christmas wrapped up and the New Year coming, what resolutions are you setting for your marriage? If you aren’t married, what resolutions are you setting for yourself?

I’ll get us started …

I think it’s important to take time to assess the quality of your relationship on a regular basis. Many couples go years without doing so and find themselves waking up one day asking, “What happened?” One way to prevent that is to take time to check in with your spouse to see what is going well and what needs a little work in your relationship. That’s what I will most likely do as this year wraps up in order to make sure our marriage is on track and thriving. Just like with our physical health we go for annual physicals, our relationships need check-ups too.

Just a word of caution, these conversations can be difficult ones. Often they are intense and can be emotional. It’s important to be wise in the timing of a conversation like this (not when you’re tired, hungry, or already upset), and to prepare yourself for honesty both ways. Be receptive and patient allowing for clarification and explanations when needed. Don’t forget that the object here is to improve  your marriage, not destroy it.   

Okay, it’s your turn!

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By Ashley McIlwain

Who doesn’t love Christmas lights? I know I sure do! And if you are like me, you literally can’t get enough of them. Any chance I get to stroll through brightly adorned neighborhoods this time of year, I do. It’s romantic, whimsical, and it takes my breath away.

Knowing this about me, my husband, Steve, and his uncle both sent me a link to check out this incredible display of festive illuminations. The title made me skeptical, but it ended up surpassing my expectations. As soon as I watched it, I proceeded to replay it over and over again in amazement. This Christmas light display is pretty spectacular, so. I just had to share the dazzling spectacle with all of you.

Check out the best Christmas lights …

Amazing Grace Techno – Computer Controlled Christmas Lights from Richard Holdman on Vimeo.

They have even more displays like this one from various years that you can check out at http://www.holdman.com/christmas/video/.

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As the end of 2011 approaches, I want to take a moment to express my heartfelt appreciation for the support you have shown us. Foundation Restoration continues to work hard to restore the very foundation of society – marriages.

There’s no doubt in our minds that our ministry is a greatly needed one. Marriages are struggling and people are searching for hope. The devastation of broken homes is undeniable, which is why we have passionately committed ourselves to our mission to help relationships thrive. We believe in the precious gift of marriage and the extraordinary significance and importance it plays in each and every person’s life.

This year alone we have served nearly 36,000 people through our website. We’ve had nearly 700 correspondences with people from all across the globe that have either expressed to us their gratitude and/or a specific need. We know that God is using us to educate, prepare, equip, and encourage people at every stage of life. Here’s what one person shared with us:

“I just wanted to take a minute to tell you thank you. I really enjoy the resources provided by Foundation Restoration. I really appreciate the efforts you go through to provide these resources and for your daily encouragement to each and every person to make it work. I really wanted to tell you thank you Keep up the good work!!!  So many people are being blessed because of your efforts.”

As a 501(c)(3) charitable non-profit organization, we rely heavily on generous financial gifts from people like you to keep our ministry up and running. Would you prayerfully consider helping us in our fight to preserve marriages? Your year-end tax deductible gift is very much needed! The suggested donation is $50. Some of you will not be able to give that amount, and some will be able to give more. All we ask is that you please do what you can, and we will continue to do the very best we can!

Blessings,

Ashley McIlwain

Founder and CEO

Foundation Restoration

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