Joining me is a guest writer, Luisa Crane. Luisa resides in Southern Florida with her husband Casey and daughter Isabella. Through her powerful testimony she will share with you her own personal thoughts, experiences, and wonderful words of advice that are sure to leave you moved, encouraged, and inspired.

Guest writer, Luisa Crane

Final Thoughts by Luisa Crane

One of the major components of strengthening your marriage is to make sure you spend enough time together.  Many couples are constantly coming up with a list of excuses as to why you can’t find the time to spend with each other.  Healthy couples do not find the time to be together, they make time to be together.  You may have convinced yourself that you simply don’t have enough time to schedule each other into your day, but that’s not accurate.  You have the time to do whatever you want to do.  And if you don’t spend the time with your spouse, you will fill the time with something less important.

Planning things to do together that you both enjoy provides a couple of things. One it’s a great adventure or activity to enjoy together and second, it gives you both something to look forward to and work towards. The other thing is to find little moments to steal together. Sit at the kitchen table and talk, share a glass of wine, sit outside, take a walk. All of these help you slow down, which increases the possibility for more passion. My pastor always says to always practice the Three Ds when dealing with your marriage, Dialogue daily, Date weekly or monthly and Depart quarterly, and by departing it doesn’t always mean planning an extravagant and expensive vacation but maybe it means dropping the baby off with the grandparents and enjoying a whole weekend alone at home with no distractions! 

Don’t forget to just enjoy your baby together. Take time regularly to just watch and play with your baby or child, marveling at this wonderful gift God has created for your family. At the end of each day, don’t just talk about your care giving responsibilities try to also talk about what you each have enjoyed about interacting with your baby.

Blessed to be wife to Casey and mother of sweet Isabella,  

Luisa Crane

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

Joining me is a guest writer, Luisa Crane. Luisa resides in Southern Florida with her husband Casey and daughter Isabella. Through her powerful testimony she will share with you her own personal thoughts, experiences, and wonderful words of advice that are sure to leave you moved, encouraged, and inspired.

Guest writer, Luisa Crane

Valuable Lessons By Luisa Crane

We were able to learn some very valuable lessons through our struggles and I have chosen my favorite to share with you. My prayer is that you will also see these struggles as a valuable time of learning. Understand that the changes you’ll have to make with a baby can help you and your spouse both develop stronger relationship skills. Make it your goal to emerge from this time with a more mature marriage. Assure your spouse that you still care and love for them daily, even when you may be too busy to show it in the same ways you previously did.

Remind yourself that the world doesn’t revolve around your baby. During this busy season of life, you need to set priorities, and your top priorities must be God, your spouse, and your kids. In that order. What you can fit in after that is up to you and your spouse. There will be plenty of time for some of those other activities in your other seasons of life. Your child won’t be a toddler bouncing on your knee for very long. Remember: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) 

Recognize the power of words. Don’t allow your stress to cause you to speak negative words to your spouse. Realize that negative words will hurt your spouse and your marriage, while positive words will strengthen your bond as they bring hope, encouragement, refreshment, and healing. Affirm and encourage your spouse verbally as often as you can. Ask yourself how you can alleviate your spouse’s anxieties and bless him or her with your words.

Recharge your spouse’s batteries. Plan practical ways that you can refresh your spouse, such as by cooking a meal or letting him or her go out for an evening. Remember that when your spouse is refreshed, he or she will be in a much better position to refresh you. Share with each other what you need to be energized. Commit to do at least one of those things for your spouse in the next day or so.

Be honest. Don’t waste time or energy trying to keep up appearances around family and friends to try to have them think all is well when it isn’t. If you’re struggling, go to your spouse first, admit it, and ask for help. Discuss ahead of time what you’re willing to share about your relationship and your struggles in front of your family and friends. When you need help, reach out for it in ways that don’t embarrass your spouse. And remember not to compare your unique situation to someone else’s.

Don’t stop having fun! Plan and look forward to at least one thing you enjoy doing that isn’t related to your baby, such as maintaining a hobby you pursued before your newborn arrived. Keep in contact with friends. Arrange babysitting so you and your spouse can still go out on dates. Exercise as much as you’re able to elevate your mood and enjoy some recreation.

For me the hardest lesson learned during this past year was to let go of the past and embrace the future. Rather than grieving for the lifestyle you once had, embrace the changes that have come into your life and celebrate the new ways they can help you grow, individually and as a couple. Discuss what you’re each looking forward to in the future. Make plans together. Seek solutions for your individual family and learn to be flexible. Each baby is unique and often what we dream or plan is quite different than the actual outcome. All of us, at whatever stage in life we find ourselves, have discovered that reality doesn’t always measure up to our expectations. I had to learn to be content, true contentment is a rare treasure.

Keep the spark of romance lit. Identify and deal with whatever issues are hampering your ability to enjoy intimacy with your spouse. Remember that intimacy is about more than just sex – it’s about the connection between the two of you. Make it a priority to continue to interact romantically, both at home and on dates. Don’t be shy about arranging babysitting for whenever you need it.

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

Joining me is a guest writer, Luisa Crane. Luisa resides in Southern Florida with her husband Casey and daughter Isabella. Through her powerful testimony she will share with you her own personal thoughts, experiences, and wonderful words of advice that are sure to leave you moved, encouraged, and inspired.

Guest writer, Luisa Crane

Personal Testimony by Luisa Crane

The first few months and even first year after a baby is born can be one of the most stressful times a married couple experiences. If you have a newborn, baby, or young child or maybe are expecting one to arrive soon, your son or daughter’s constant demands can drive a wedge between you and your spouse. But it doesn’t have to work out that way. When you stay focused on your marriage’s needs during this challenging time, it can also be an exciting time that results in a stronger relationship between you.

My husband and I assumed that that having a baby would only make our love and bond grow stronger.  Even though this was true, it required a lot of patience, dedication, hard work, honesty, even some disagreements, but most importantly, prayer and sacrifice. As a mommy, a wife, a daughter, student, and friend it was difficult to find that essential quality time to spend with my husband. I also knew that I was not alone. As I discussed my struggles with my other mommy friends, I quickly realized that most, if not all of my friends, were having similar difficulties balancing their spouses and their babies.

There was no special formula, specific equation, or magic trick that fixed our struggling marriage. My husband and I had to sit down and talk. We spent hours and hours, face to face, hand in hand, talking. I told him everything that was upsetting me about our marriage at the time and he did the same. I had recently had a baby and felt fat, tired, and generally overwhelmed. I didn’t feel like myself, I was giving everything I had to our baby and yet my husband was still expecting me be his friend, confidante, and wife, and did I mention, sexy? On the other hand, he felt neglected, ignored, misunderstood, pushed aside and unimportant because every part of me was enveloped by the baby. He grew accustomed to our life as two and he couldn’t find his place in our new life as a family of three.

Come back tomorrow to read how Luisa and Casey coped with these changes…

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.