Posts Tagged ‘friendships’

Love Tip

Wednesday, December 9th, 2015

Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you and tell you what you need to hear, even if it’s not what you want to hear!

LT7

Parasites of Marriage: Unhealthy Relationships

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

Humans are built for relationships – to be known and to know others. Every human being craves some level of relationship with others because that is how we are wired. While relationships are very important, the quality and selection of those we choose to be in relationships with is even more important, especially when it comes to your marriage.

Not all relationships are created equally. Not all relationships are good ones. One of the biggest things I try to emphasize is the importance of surrounding yourself with people who support your marriage. Having a network that comes around and alongside of your marriage rather than in the middle of it is crucial. There are two things I want to especially emphasize regarding the relationships in your life: friends of the same gender and friends of the opposite gender.

Unfortunately many people don’t realize the importance of discretion concerning friends of the same gender. This is extremely important because they are often the people you spend a lot of your “guy” or “girl” time with and the ones you are sharing a lot of personal information with. You need those girl or guy friends to support you and your marriage. Guys, if your buddies are encouraging you to go out drinking at every bar possible, to check out that “hot chick” that just walked by, or is putting your wife down whether it be because she is “always nagging you” or is a “pain in the butt,” you need to limit your time and their influence in your life. You need guys who will encourage you to love your wife, work on your marriage, and be the best man/husband/father you can be! Ladies, if you are surrounding yourself with girls who are constantly running their guys down, encouraging you to “nag” at your husband until he gives in, or are pushing you toward a romantic fantasy land, you need to be very wary. You need girls in your life that push you to be the best wife/mother/woman you can be, to love, respect, & cherish your husband, and to be realistic with your expectations. The people you have around you are largely influencing you whether you realize it or not, so you need to make sure that you are surrounding yourself with people who are influencing you for the better. Friends that support and encourage your marriage are the keepers.

Friends with the opposite gender. Many times I have heard people say that it’s ridiculous to not have friends of the opposite gender. The thing is that opposite-sex relationships are danger areas. It’s not that you can’t ever talk to someone from the opposite gender, but building a relationship with them can lead to bigger problems. Rarely does anyone ever think that opposite-sex friendships are going to cause problems, but so often that is sadly not the case. Time after time I have heard of marriages falling apart because that casual friendship suddenly becomes an affair. Why? Because that gal at work starts to give your husband the affirmation you may not always give him. Because he loves the attention he is getting from some girl he is interacting with; she makes him feel respected. Because that guy your wife has been spending time with is listening to her the way she longs for you to. Because she loves how that guy makes her feel beautiful. Opposite-sex relationships often sneak into your life slowly fulfilling that void that might be in your marriage, and then problems creep in. The truth is that those relationships end up being very appealing and alluring when in reality, they are devastation waiting to happen! That guy is not so much better than your husband. That girl is not a million times better than your wife. They just aren’t in the position yet to demand anything from you. Trust me when I say, what you have in your spouse is exactly what you need; you just have to give it the love, attention, and time it deserves. It’s honestly so much easier and better to just limit your relationships with people of the opposite-gender. The grass is greenest on the side where there is care and cultivation.

Whether it’s friends, family, or colleagues, it’s important to surround yourself with good, solid friendships and relationships that support and encourage your marriage. It will help you and your marriage out tremendously in the long run.

In The Love Dare there is an excerpt about this very topic, and I think it’s really good! I will close with it:

“Not everyone has the material to be a good friend. Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to matters of marriage. Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities. In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of “friend.” And certainly you must be on guard at all times from allowing opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, or even the church to draw you emotionally away from the one to whom you’ve already give your heart.”

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