Posts Tagged ‘honesty’

Noteworthy: Oh My Dear

Thursday, March 29th, 2012

By Ashley McIlwain

We all have a past. We all have baggage. We all have healing that needs to happen in our lives emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Truthfully, we are all beautiful messes.

Often times we become acutely aware of this when we enter into a relationship. Suddenly our insecurities, fears, and brokenness rear their ugly heads taunting and tormenting us. Thoughts race through our minds of our inadequacies, and we begin to feel unlovable.

Some people respond to this onslaught of emotional bondage by shutting down. Others simply try to mask it all. The reality is that we need to face it all … honestly and openly. Yes, it’s painful and scary, but when we have met someone we are contemplating giving our heart to, then vulnerability and openness are absolutely essential to moving forward individually as well as in the relationship.

Most of what we think about ourselves is false messages … lies from Satan that try to deter us from the abundant blessings God has in store for us. If Satan can convince us that we are trash, then we never aspire to love, dream, or believe in God’s perfect plan for our life. Right?

That’s why we need to tackle our brokenness head on because each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving Creator (Psalm 139:14) who doesn’t make mistakes. And guess what? The person you are in love with has brokenness to deal with too, but he/she is still a masterpiece too. It’s about working together through the bruises and scars left by life and realizing that you aren’t damaged but rather equipped with valuable lessons you’ve learned through your experiences. You are stronger, wiser, and refined.

There’s a song that paints a picture of this healing process so beautifully. It’s by a band that I am superbly proud to say I went to college with. Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to build a friendship with them, but I did get to listen to them play around campus. While they may not know me, it doesn’t stop me from being ridiculously supportive and excited for them and the way God is using their band and inspirational music.

Tenth Avenue North is a band that gets it. Their music is straight from the heart with messages that speak to the heart. In one of their lesser known songs, Oh My Dear, you are taken on an intimate journey between two people working through their pain and brokenness.

Take a listen, and let me know what you think! By the way, you can snag this song (or any of their songs) here. You can also get the full scoop on Tenth Avenue North by visiting their website.

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Posted in Blog, Noteworthy, Relationships | 4 Comments »

Blank Page: The Opposite Life

Friday, January 8th, 2010

One of my favorite parts of this whole series is the premise that we choose the life we want to live. So many times I hear people talk about how they are the victim, poor them, and there is nothing they can do about their situation. While it’s not that I don’t empathize (I do), it’s that the power of choice is completely neglected and ignored. We choose each and every day the quality of life we are going to have. We have a choice. We choose to either: wallow, resent, and be miserable with our lives; or take the hand we are dealt and make the most of it.

The pastor that presented the “Blank Page” series at our church, Kyle Zimmerman, put it so well:

“We can’t always choose our circumstances, but we can choose our response to those circumstances.” 

This coincides so perfectly with one of my core beliefs as a Marriage & Family Therapist and person – we choose each and every day what our life is like. I know all too well about tough situations, deep hurts, trauma, drama, and disappointments. What are you going to do with that? As my mom always said, “become bitter or better.”

As I started out with at the beginning of the week, God is writing a great story in the good and the bad of our life. Either we choose to belief that and have faith in the bad times and choose to live responsibly, honestly, and with forgiveness or we choose the opposite. The opposite life is one where we are stuck comparing ourselves with others feeling that the great story God is writing is in someone else’s life. It’s one where we constantly blame those around us and God for the “crappy” times. And it’s one where we try to take control. We think it’s our responsibility to try and write a great story because we don’t trust God. That opposite life of comparing, blaming, and controlling leads to a life of fear, guilt, and insecurity.

It all comes down to a choice…the choice to have faith & trust that God is writing a great story known as your life in the good and the bad times. Just like Joseph who went through some of the toughest things I have ever heard someone go through – family betrayal, slavery, falsely accused of rape, imprisoned despite innocence – he chose to make the best of each and every situation he was in. He knew there was a reason for it all and couldn’t be bogged down by the life of comparison, blame, and control. Instead he chose responsibility, honesty, forgiveness, and faith. We all have a choice to make each and every day – what kind of life are you going to live?

*Just in case you missed it  – the sermon that I based my series off of this week can be found at the following link:

http://www.marinerschurch.org/video/weekend/20100103-service.html

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Blank Page: Live Honestly

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

Boundaries. It’s something most of you have heard about, and it’s something I mention quite frequently. Boundaries are those distinct lines we draw in our lives for ourselves and those around us to keep things healthy and in line. Continuing from the story about Joseph, part of having a happy and healthy life is to live honestly, which entails the help of boundaries.

What does it mean to live honestly? Living honestly means that you aren’t trying to fool yourself or others around you. We all know that we have limitations and temptations that can hinder and hurt ourselves and those around us. When you are honest with yourself and others about those limitations & temptations, you are living honestly and safeguarding yourself. You know your limits, so you establish strong boundaries for yourself and stay far away from them in order to prevent yourself from tripping up. It’s really important to establish those boundaries & be honest with both yourself and those around you.

Joseph was a great example of how to live honestly. He knew his weaknesses, his limitations, and his temptations. As a result, he drew strong boundaries for himself and stayed far from all temptations in order to set himself up for the best success possible. Life is tough enough – it’s full of challenges, difficulties, and valleys. He knew that, so he was honest with himself in order to prevent further, unnecessary chaos and pain in his life. Joseph knew Potiphar’s wife wanted him sexually, so he avoided her as much as humanly possible. When she tried to throw herself on him, he literally ran away as fast and quickly as possible. He knew that he had to be honest with himself and set up those boundaries in order to stay on track. He also lived honestly with others. He didn’t skirt around the truth; he said what needed to be said, even if it was bad news. Sometimes saying the truth forces others to see reality. Of course, truth in love is very important. Joseph saw his brothers again, after they had taken his coat, thrown him in a pit, and sold him into slavery. He stated what they had done but also said that he was not the one to try and achieve justice. He knew God would take care of that; he just chose to say the truth about the situation but then leave the rest up to God.

We can learn so much from this story of Joseph. Living honestly requires being honest with ourselves – what are our temptations and limitations? Set up the necessary boundaries to safeguard yourself from unecessary chaos and pain. Those decisions we make, those boundaries we set rarely affect only ourselves. They affect the relationships around us. When we stumble, it usually causes many around us to stumble. Be honest with yourself and with those around you, establish strong boundaries, safeguard and protect yourself and your relationships…you will be much better off in the long run!

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