Take some time to think about recurring arguments you and your spouse have. Is there a common theme? Not enough time together, in-law issues, shutting down (stonewalling), etc.? Maybe those are the problematic patterns of behavior that need tweaking in your life. Are there things your spouse constantly tells you that you are doing that hurts him/her? Are there other things you can think of on your own that you can identify as being problematic for your marriage? Are there problematic patterns of behavior in your family of origin that you might be passing along into your marriage? Make a little list of the things you come up with between examining all of these things.

Next, go to your spouse and talk to him/her about this week’s series and your list of areas you think you need to work on (this isn’t the time to give a list of the things he/she needs to work on…this is about YOUR brokenness). Confess to you spouse that you know you bring baggage and brokenness into the marriage, identify the specific things you know you need to work on, offer a heartfelt apology for the hurt & pain it’s caused, and commit to work harder at adjusting those patterns of behavior. I guarantee this will open up a good, in-depth conversation with your spouse. It might just take you to a deeper level of relationships with your spouse!

At the end of it all, tell your spouse that you love him/her no matter what and always will (and mean it!). 

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Author : Ashley McIlwain

Ashley McIlwain, M.A., is a Marriage and Family Therapist, speaker, and writer. She is the founder and C.E.O. of the non-profit organization, Foundation Restoration, and blog LittleWifey.com, which are comprehensive resources committed to restoring the very foundation of society – marriage. She is committed to and passionate about helping relationships thrive. In the past Ashley worked with Moody Publishers and Dr. Gary Chapman as Managing Editor to launch and develop a website focused on premarital preparation. Ashley holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University and a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University. Currently she and her husband, Steve, reside in Southern California.