Talking Tuesday


Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:

What are your favorite ways to say “thank you” to your spouse or significant other?

I’ll get us started …

One of my hubs’ primary love languages is words of affirmation, so this is something I’m always trying to make sure I keep in mind. When you stop to think about it, there are a lot of ways to let someone know you appreciate them, but one of my favorite ways is with a sweet love note. I will pick up some cheap cards at the store so I have a stash, and from time to time I will just write my husband a note to let him know how much I love and appreciate him. Once it’s all written out, I will leave it somewhere I know he will find it like on his pillow, in his car, by the bathroom mirror, etc. It’s a simple gesture that I know my husband appreciates.

Okay, it’s your turn!

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Author :

Ashley McIlwain, MA, LMFTA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate who received her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University and her Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology with a Specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University. Ashley is the Founder and CEO of Foundation Restoration, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization which offers a wide range of resources committed to helping relationships thrive. Believing that marriage is the foundation of society, she passionately utilizes her non-profit, therapy, speaking engagements, and writing to prepare, nurture, salvage, and encourage healthy, strong marriages from a biblical perspective. Her past experience includes partnering with Moody Publishers and Dr. Gary Chapman as Managing Editor to launch and develop a website focused on premarital preparation. Her areas of focus include premarital, marital, and individual therapy working through life transitions, relational issues, personal growth, boundaries, restoration, depression, and anxiety. She is certified as a Prepare & Enrich Facilitator, SYMBIS Facilitator, and is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors as well as the AACC Marriage & Family Division and AAMFT. Ashley loves connecting with, helping, and encouraging people professionally and personally. Her heart is to support those hurting and help them to feel understood, cared for, and hopeful on their path to healing.

19 Responses to “Talking Tuesday”

  • Reggie E Says:

    I randomly place a funny drawing or saying on a PostIt and stick it on one of her items in her purse (e.g., wallet, compact, cell phone). In the most unusual time when most likely I’m not around and she’s doing something “normal,” Ruth will be surprised to see a note from me …so she knows even in her smallest actions, I appreciate her so much.

    • Ashley McIlwain Says:

      Reggie, it’s great to hear a guy’s perspective! I love your playful approach to affirming your wife and letting her know you think of her! Small gesture — big impact! Thanks for sharing!

  • Kristen Schulte Says:

    I’m a talker. I express my feeling and emotion through conversation. I always tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him and everything he does for our family before we go to bed at night. He has to be up really early in the morning for work so if we don’t go to bed at the same time I will wait until I’m laying down and I kiss his forehead and whisper my love and appreciation in his ear. I know he hears me because, while he may not always answer verbally, he will reach out and take my hand. There have been countless nights where we have fallen asleep holding hands for just that reason.

  • Aileen Says:

    I love this! Jeff loves spending quality time together, so it’s fun planning a dinner date to a new restaurant. We love to sit at restaurant bars because we sit next to each other and can easily chat without feeling like people are hearing our conversation.

    • Ashley McIlwain Says:

      Aileen, I love that! To be honest, I’ve always avoided the restaurant bars because I thought it would be just the opposite. We’re going to have to try that out! Thank you so much for sharing!

  • Jessica Brower Says:

    My husband gives so much to our family and he likes to hear a simple “Thank you” or “You can’t imagine how much time you just saved me!” from me when he does the little things like washing dishes or folding laundry. They may seem like small tasks when you look at the big picture but they are the tasks that take a huge chunk out of my day. To have his helping hand with those tasks means the word to me and I try to remember to always thank him. He enjoys feeling appreciated and is more likely to repeat the favor again!

    • Ashley McIlwain Says:

      Jessica, it is incredible how “simple” things our spouse does to help us can really make a big impact on our overall workload. Expressing our appreciation lets them know we noticed and they are important and necessary! Like you said, expressing our gratitude for those things encourages them to continue to be thoughtful and helpful, which is a bonus!

  • Lindq Says:

    This is a great little reminder.

  • Ida Says:

    I tell him!! I love being able to verbally express to him how much I appreciate him and to watch his face light up (as if a child pleasing his mother)and seal it with a kiss! Sometimes its hard to say “thank you” so he appreciates it when I stop to applaud what he has done =)

  • Heather Says:

    He has a super-sweet tooth, so unexpected baked goods are always appreciated!

  • Meredith Says:

    I love leaving little notes for Scott as well! The notes always include my gratitude for having him in my life and expressing my love and excitement for things to come–whether it’s the weekend, or dinner that night, or a gym date, etc. He’s not a morning person…AT ALL, and I am always out the door well before he is even awake, so it’s fun for me to write him a little ‘love’ note to start his day off on a sweet note ; ) I usually leave them in his cereal bowl, or next to his coffee mug.

    • Ashley McIlwain Says:

      Meredith, that is so sweet and thoughtful of you! I’m sure Scott really loves and appreciates you doing that! It’s amazing how something pretty simple, free, and quick can make your spouse’s day! I love that you do that! Thanks for sharing!

      • Meredith Says:

        You gave me some more good ideas for where I can put my notes to give it more of a surprise ; ) Thanks! It really is the little things that make the biggest impact ; ) For us at least.

  • Angelique Pinet Says:

    John likes to know that the little things he does is appreciated. For example, he’ll be the first one to clean out the litterboxes when we get home from work or he’ll see that the floors need to be cleaned so he’ll break out the vaccuum. He’s also very good at fixing things around the house. I verbally say “thank you” whenever he does one of these things because I want him to know that I notice what he’s doing and I really appreciate him. I’ll give him a little kiss on the lips or on the cheek after I thank him. The main thing for me is to always make sure I verbally thank and praise him because I know that makes him feel good and appreciated!

    • Ashley McIlwain Says:

      Angelique, thanks for kicking off this week’s conversation! How important it is to notice things that our spouse does in the moment and then actually express our appreciation for them. I love that you make an effort to do that, and I’m sure John does too!