Talking Tuesday
Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:
What is the most challenging thing about being a wife/husband AND a parent? If you aren’t married and/or a parent, what do you anticipate to be the most challenging part of juggling those 2 roles?
I’ll get us started …
My husband, Steve, and I don’t have kids yet. We’ve always said we wanted to take at least 5 years after marriage of just being together, enjoying and building our relationship, checking things off of our life’s adventure list, and establishing our finances before bringing kids into the picture. Both of us are very aware of the challenges that come with having children from watching those around us, so this was our approach.
From seeing our friends and family members having children, we have a lot of things that run through our minds about that chapter of our lives. Obviously youngsters are an immeasurable joy, but they are also a huge responsibility. Many people jump into child-rearing without really thinking about it too much, but it’s important to prepare yourselves for the financial, relational, physical, emotional, and personal implications of that decision.
Children are no-doubt a blessing, but it’s vital to Steve and me to be ready for them so that we are able to give them the best, most loving environment possible to grow up in.
Okay, it’s your turn!
*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.
June 26th, 2012 at 9:02 pm
The hardest part for me is the struggle between wanting to put being a parent first priority and wanting to put being a wife first priority. When my kids were younger I always wanted them to know that no matter what happened I would always be there for them. I also wanted my husband to feel like I always backed him up and would always be there for him and support him. Sometimes this was hard to balance.
June 27th, 2012 at 11:21 am
Vicki, thanks for joining the conversation! I think that struggle exists for most women (and men) to be everything to your children as well as your spouse. It’s a tough thing to do, but it’s important to try and maintain both relationships.
June 26th, 2012 at 11:52 am
I LOVE being a mother but struggle with taking the “mommy hat” off and putting the “wife hat” on. My husband and I find “us time” is our hardest struggle. Too often “us time” is me, him, the kids and the dogs. While I LOVE family time I recognize that our marriage suffers when we become too focused on our parental roles and not our spousal roles. This is evident in the fact that we have probably only made an effort to really celebrate our anniversary a handful of times in 13 years.
Finding “us time” can happen but only if we make a concentrated effort to do it. Hopefully with practice and persistence we will find “us time” and make it a habit.
June 26th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Nicole, thanks for joining the conversation! I’m sure there are so many moms (and dads) out there nodding their heads in agreement. This seems to be the general consensus for the biggest challenge of parenting. Not only is “us time” important for the marriage though; it’s important for the children! You are their example of what a loving marriage is, and they need that firm foundation of love that the two of you possess. I’m not going to pretend that’s an easy accomplishment, but it’s vital. I would encourage you to stick with your efforts; you’ll never regret it! Thanks for sharing!
June 26th, 2012 at 9:40 am
My situation was a bit different than the traditional story of marriage and kids. Jeremiah and I had only been married 4 1/2 MONTHS when we decided to become foster parents to my nieces (3 1/2 years old & 4 months old). It was supposed to be temporary, but a year later my sister passed away and the fathers were in and out of jail. We decided to adopt them and began our “parenting journey.” We were married about 2 years when we conceived our son. He’s 15 months old now, and has been nothing but a blessing! But there are still many challenges we face. I think that the MOST challenging thing about being a wife and mother has to be finding the balance between the two jobs. Meaning, being the best mom possible and pouring into my children yet being able to “hang up my hat” and making time for just my husband and I. It’s crucial to marriage to have that connection time DAILY to sustain and grow our relationship, but not always easy when the kids are sick, or going through clingy phases, ect.
June 26th, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Cheryl, I so admire you and Jeremiah for the roles you step into as being the parents of your nieces! What an incredibly sacrificial act of love! I can only imagine how challenging it must be at times to have 3 little ones running around and still trying to be a wife at the same time. It’s not for the faint of heart, and I love that you make mention of DAILY time with your spouse. Truly a marriage needs daily and constant nurturing like all relationships, and it’s important to remember that you WANT and NEED that time with them … that’s why you married him/her! Thanks so much for sharing, and keep up the amazing work!
June 26th, 2012 at 8:56 am
I don’t have kids but am afraid that energy would be a huge problem for me!
June 26th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Erin, thanks for joining the conversation! This is something I worry about too. I don’t know how I will ever muster up the energy to be a mom when I’m wiped out as is. I’ve heard that God divinely provides is all somehow though when you become a parent, so I pray that’s true!
June 26th, 2012 at 8:54 am
I have no kids but can imagine that energy is a huge problem!
June 26th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Well, this is actually a huge topic for me. Our marriage was always rocky. Then when we had kids, my wife completely ignored our relationship and poured everything she had into the kids. Obviously, it is good to love the kids, but it does not mean that you can stop investing in your spouse. Needless to say, my marriage ended badly.
June 26th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Tim, thanks for kicking off the conversation! Unfortunately you are not the only one who has found themselves in that situation. People put so much emphasis on loving their kids that they forget that those kids are the product of a love that needs to be maintained — marital love. Plus, it’s important for people to realize that one of the best ways they can love their kids is by loving their spouse. A loving marriage is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children! Thanks for sharing with honesty!