Talking Tuesday
Share your thoughts, feelings, and stories as well as respond to others regarding these questions:
What do you think is one of the biggest threats to marriages today?
I’ll get us started …
To be honest, I think there are a lot of things threatening our marriages today. In fact, sadly, there are too many to list here, but I will highlight one that I think is extremely important and under the radar.
Selfishness. It’s one that many of us don’t even think about, but it’s like an epidemic taking over our culture. Everything is about “me, me, me.” This self-centered, selfish attitude is literally 180 degrees from where our minds and hearts should be in a marriage. Healthy, thriving marriages require each spouse to be selfless. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love is not “self-seeking.” When we focus on my happiness, my comfort, my needs, my desires, we stop loving our spouse and start loving ourselves in a childish, immature, and destructive way. Selfishness is one of the most dominant marriage killers out there.
Okay, it’s your turn!
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Congratulations to our August Talking Tuesday Giveaway winner … Jennifer!!! We love hearing from all of you, so thank you all for your participation! Don’t forget we pick a new winner each month, so keep sharing your thoughts and stories 
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September 4th, 2012 at 7:29 pm
There are several things that come to mind. I agree with the other responses to this weeks question. One that has not been talked about yet and seems to be common with people close to me is that they go into their marriage with unrealistic expectations. The woman wants to be swept away on a white stag by a knight or prince, when they find a person to be with they are blinded by what they want to see and not by what is truly infront of them. An imperfect human being who will make mistakes as one of my friends put it, she did not feel the “magic” any more… There has to be more than that in todays world to hold up to all the garbage that satan will throw at us to break down marriages.
September 25th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Vicki, you bring up a great point. Unrealistic expectations are definitely a big part of marriages suffering and even ending. We close our eyes to so much of who the person we are marrying really is until we get married and then suddenly become hyper-critical. There is no perfect husband or wife out there, but that’s what makes love possible. Love wouldn’t be love if it was just about the good, easy, or perfect days. We have to choose to be realistic, consistent, and committed in marriages! Thanks so much for sharing!
September 4th, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I don’t know what to title it, but the mentallity of today’s world says that we can have it our way. Most times I don’t think we really mean “for better or worse,” just the for better part. We are so censortized to unholy things, that today’s marriages don’t stand a chance. Walk through the mall, how many dresses do you see up to the you know what, how many pant sets are so tight the lady has to exhail to breath. Men a attracted by sight and these type of things and others play a major part in the collasping of marriages, these days. There is always someone that looks better or is shaplier, so if your spouse upsets you, in any way, just get a new one. I don’t mean to sound so dramatic, I just use to a time when men had to use their imagination about what was under a skirt or dress; a time when a kiss was the ultimate; a time when just holding a young ladies hand was a big thing. I guess I can title this a living holy or not. God says to be ye holy for He is holy.
September 25th, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Jerry, as always, thanks for joining the conversation! I have to agree with you that I don’t think many people really take the “for worse” part seriously in their wedding vows. And yes, there are so many things working against marriages today that we nonchalantly allow to permeate throughout our daily lives. It’s scary. Marriage is definitely holy and sacred, but it’s up to us to treat it and keep it that way!
September 4th, 2012 at 9:19 am
I read on Jim Daly’s blog last week about how we try to blame the other person for relationship failures… but we fail to realize that it is usually both sides who are at fault in some way. Instead of trying to pick on the other person or find their faults, we need to evaluate our motives, thoughts, and words and pray for help to change.
September 4th, 2012 at 9:18 am
While there are many options, and the ones already shared are excellent, mine would be drifting away from each other. After the initial thrill of marriage wears off…say two hours later, it is very easy to drift apart. “Parallel lives” is a term someone used to describe two people sharing a home and marriage but not working towards becoming one. It takes a concentrated effort (i.e. hard work) to keep oneness the focus in marriage.
September 4th, 2012 at 8:11 am
A couple very close to me is having severe marriage problems, and the source is the wife’s mouth. She constantly tears her husband down instead of building him up, is short-tempered and angry, and is a “dripping faucet” (a quarrelsome, nagging woman as mentioned in the Proverbs). She has single-handedly emasculated her husband. He has been patient with her thus far, but I don’t know how much more he can take. I’ve been praying for them frequently since I found out about their marital problems last weekend.
Through this experience (and others), I’ve learned how powerful our words are. Words can be used to uplift, bring life, exhort, educate, encourage, and honor…or they can be used just as powerfully to tear down, devastate, wound, and bring relational death.
Oh, women of God, let’s use our words wisely!
September 4th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Lindsay, I’m so glad you joined the conversation because you bring up such an important point. We carelessly speak way too often hurting, damaging, and destroying others. This is especially dangerous in marriage, and I think it’s a very common struggle for women. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” There is so much power in what we say, and we are either building up or tearing down. You are so right on, and I am so thrilled that you shares this important word!
September 4th, 2012 at 7:43 am
I think there are several. I am finding one big threat is ignorance. Ignorance to the fact of how important it is to work on your marriage. Ignorance to how no matter how long or short your marraige has been it still requires attention and can be very fulfilling. Ignorance to what a marriage is supposed to be according to God’s word.
September 4th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Lauren, absolutely! Ignorance is something I have come in contact many times with couples. Obliviously they walk into a marriage thinking it’s a self-propelled, me-oriented, easy thing that should be without wrinkle or pain. Like you said, it requires constant work and attention. It also requires a selfless, committed mentality that will stand up to all the ups and downs of life. And yes, God’s word and design for marriage should be at the heart of it all! Thanks for sharing!
September 4th, 2012 at 5:56 am
I agree, there are so many threats to a healthy marriage and selfishness is certainly a prevalent challenge.
With the downturn in the economy, I also think finances are a major threat to marriage right now. Many people are without jobs or making less money than they once did. This can cause feelings of insecurity for one or both individuals, resentment, depression, among other strong feelings. There is no better time to create a process for your finances with your spouse. This will help mitigate the negative feelings that often arise when times are difficult. This is also an important time to remember God’s word and what he tells us about earthly riches vs. riches in Heaven.
September 4th, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Jessica, thanks for kicking off this week’s conversation. You are definitely right that finances can have a huge negative impact on marriage. It’s tough with money is tight to manage your budget and the stress that comes along with those circumstances. Your tips on handling money are good ones – make a plan and keep God’s “budget” in mind!