Archive for the ‘love tip’ Category

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I’m Thankful For …

Friday, November 25th, 2011

By Ashley McIlwain

The other day I was sitting down racking my brain for ways to express gratitude to my husband Steve. He is such an amazing man that inspires, encourages, and loves me. He does so much for me and everyone around him that I knew I needed to take the time to verbalize all these thoughts of admiration and gratitude I have for him. So, I came up with an idea that I wanted to share with you all.

Many of us tend to either get caught up in negativity or just neglect to convey our appreciation to those around us. Our spouse often takes the brunt of this lack of praise. Philippians 2:3 instructs us, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” Are we doing that for our spouse? Are we holding him/her in higher esteem than ourselves? I’m going to take a wild guess and say that many of us struggle with that one.

It’s essential to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). There is no one more deserving of our praise and encouragement than our spouse. While he or she may be imperfect, they are a treasure. You chose them and promised to love and cherish them through it all until your dying day. That’s a pretty significant promise that most of us need to work harder at upholding.

Knowing that I could always be better at affirming and building Steve up, I decided to come up with a list of twelve things about him that I am thankful for. Then, I whipped up some cute little note cards and wrote one of those things on each of them. Next, I placed those notecards in twelve different spots where he would unexpectedly find them throughout an entire day. At the end of the day I had a little gift waiting for him when he got home along with a card that more explained more in depth just how much I love and appreciate him. The goal was simply to bless him. To take time to convey all the love, appreciation, and respect I have for him. To let him know that he is cherished, admired, and adored. He deserves nothing less than that.

Hopefully each of you will try this out on your spouse because I think it would really bless and encourage them. You can download my template for the notecards here. Enjoy, and let me know how it goes!

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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Love Tip

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Today while I was checking out my Twitter, I saw a few Tweets that were encouraging to me. I thought I would share them today with you to encourage you as well!

  • “Gratitude for even the little things keeps romance alive.”(posted by “DrMichellexo)
  • “The word encouragement literally means to give courage, to inspire with courage, spirit or hope. Do you encourage your wife daily?”(posted by “drgaryandbarb”) Obviously this goes for women too…do you encourage your husband daily?
  • “Let your actions create the environment of love in your home. Do not wait for them to deserve it. Love on purpose those God has given you.”(posted by “MarriageLimeys”)
  • “Your marriage is more important than your money. Money alone will never bring you happiness.”(post by “DrGaryChapman”)

Hopefully you find these things encouraging and spurring. It’s nice to have helpful hints, tips, and advice from people regarding the most precious relationship we have here on Earth.

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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Dealing with the Downs: Love Tip

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Just to recap…all relationships include fights, disagreements, and arguments. It’s not about if you will have them, it’s how you will handle them. Here are the list of things I covered this week to deal with those times in an effective & healthy way that strengthens your marriage and relationship:

  • Resolution versus Winning – Keep in mind the goal is to resolve issues, not to win. It’s a totally different mindset that prevents some pretty ugly messes.
  • Good Intentions – Remember that you aren’t the only one who should get the benefit of the doubt. Extend some grace and positive assumptions about the other person’s intentions. Give the other person a chance to clarify.
  • Common Cause – Your spouse isn’t the problem, the problem is the problem. Rather than viewing yourselves as enemies in a war, consider yourselves teammates working toward the same goal.
  • Love & Respect – Remember you love one another. Maintain that love and respect for one another in an argument, and you will be much better off in the long run for it.

Practice makes perfect. Keep trying to implement these things in your arguments, discussions, disputes, disagreements, and fights. Sometimes you will do them more successfully than other times, but always keep trying. Remember that ugly fights only lead to more damage, more issues, more heartache, and more problems. Everyone loses when we lose self-control. Fighting is something we all do, but it doesn’t have to be a terrible thing. When you can respectfully and lovingly work through things together, you are strengthening your marriage, relationship, and spouse rather than destroying them.

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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Grow Together, Not Apart: Love Tip

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Time can tear a marriage apart. It can fizzle that sizzle you once felt. It can put distance between the two of you with each passing day. Or it can bring you together, fan that flame, and bridge the gaps. That requires hard work on your part though. It requires setting goals for your marriage, maintaining it, choosing it, and some playing & praying.

This weekend, take some time to really think about these 3 categories in your marriage. Especially if you are struggling right now, what is lacking in your marriage? Figure out what is lacking and then sit down to figure out how to change that. If you have no goals for your marriage, make some. If you haven’t been maintaining your marriage, start communicating with your spouse, get some books on marriage, go to a seminar, start going to a counselor or therapist. If you aren’t choosing to make your marriage the best it can be, make a new choice to start. If you aren’t playing or praying, start.  If you find that one or more of these areas are lacking, go back and read that article I wrote on it and pick some of the suggestions I mention to get started in building that area up in your marriage.

Marriage is what you make of it. Sure your spouse may not always be putting in the same effort, life may throw you some curve balls, or maybe you just aren’t feeling the way you once did. Flat out, if you want your marriage to thrive and be amazing, you have got to show up, commit, choose, and work at making it that each and every single day! Now go get ‘em!

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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Power of Prayer: Love Tip

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

It never fails to amaze me just how powerful prayer really is, and how much our God loves & cares about us. Personally I have found prayer to be that one thing I can always go to when I am at the end of my rope. That includes my marriage; when I don’t know what else to do or how to fix a situation, I pray about it. I believe prayer is one of those amazing gifts we have been given to give us supernatural strength, wisdom, self control, and love. Praying for yourself, for your spouse, and for your marriage are so important. Not only is prayer for those things important, but it’s essential.

Starting this weekend, I would encourage you to come up with a prayer list. Write down the things you are personally struggling with, things that your marriage is struggling over, things you spouse is struggling with, anything you are worried about or stuck on. Ask your spouse to do the same. If you don’t want to write it down, that’s fine. You can just say them out loud to one another. Then I would encourage you to take 5-10 minutes to just pray together over those things. Maybe you prayer for his or her list, and then they pray for your list. Maybe one person does all the praying. Whatever works for you guys. Pray over that list and be sure to offer up the things you are thankful for and ask for continued strength, love, and faithfulness in your marriage. You might be shocked at how big of an impact that little bit of prayer time can have, especially if you start making a habit out of it ;)

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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Taking Out the Trash: Love Tip

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Take some time to think about recurring arguments you and your spouse have. Is there a common theme? Not enough time together, in-law issues, shutting down (stonewalling), etc.? Maybe those are the problematic patterns of behavior that need tweaking in your life. Are there things your spouse constantly tells you that you are doing that hurts him/her? Are there other things you can think of on your own that you can identify as being problematic for your marriage? Are there problematic patterns of behavior in your family of origin that you might be passing along into your marriage? Make a little list of the things you come up with between examining all of these things.

Next, go to your spouse and talk to him/her about this week’s series and your list of areas you think you need to work on (this isn’t the time to give a list of the things he/she needs to work on…this is about YOUR brokenness). Confess to you spouse that you know you bring baggage and brokenness into the marriage, identify the specific things you know you need to work on, offer a heartfelt apology for the hurt & pain it’s caused, and commit to work harder at adjusting those patterns of behavior. I guarantee this will open up a good, in-depth conversation with your spouse. It might just take you to a deeper level of relationships with your spouse!

At the end of it all, tell your spouse that you love him/her no matter what and always will (and mean it!). 

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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The Cross: Love Tip

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

Easter is a wonderful time of year to reflect on the blessings in our life. It’s a wonderful time to think about the message of Easter, which is one of love, sacrifice, grace, forgiveness, hope, and life. Amidst this weekend, I hope you can ponder upon this week’s series, the true meaning of Easter through Jesus Christ, and how you can apply these things to your life. Here is some food for thought:

  • Love & Sacrifice – When was the last time you showed love to your spouse when he/she didn’t deserve it? When did your spouse last show you love when you least deserved it? How did that feel? Is there something you could do today to show your spouse how much you love him or her? Perhaps a little personal sacrifice for their sake? Men, maybe you turn off the TV for the night to just talk with your wife. Women, maybe you just allow your husband to just veg out and relax without getting upset with him.
  • Grace & Forgiveness – Is there something that you are holding on to in your marriage that you need to forgive your spouse for & extend grace? Is there something perhaps you need to ask your spouse to forgive you for? Where can you extend more grace and forgiveness in your marriage? If something comes to mind, plan a little evening where you do an act of service for your spouse (a massage, cook a meal, run a hot bubble bath, etc.), and then earnestly and sincerely ask for forgiveness, offer forgiveness, and tell your spouse just how much you love and appreciate him/her.
  • Hope & Life – When was the last time you prayed for your marriage, for your spouse, for yourself as a wife/husband? When was the last time you prayed together with your spouse for these things? Have you ever invited God into your marriage? Consider joining a small group at your church to invite Christ into your marriage and make new friends that can help encourage your along the way. Too bold for you? Why not just try to go to church together this Easter Sunday? It can’t hurt!

Happy Easter everyone! I pray that this Easter is filled with joy, blessings, and abundance in your life!

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting.

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Parasites of Marriage: Love Tip #2

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Marriage is a precious gift we have been given. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worthwhile. Our spouse, our marriage is a treasure that we must protect and cherish. It’s not something we can sit back and take for granted or allow parasites to come in and destroy. It’s up to you though to do the cherishing as well as the protecting and keeping out those parasites.

After reading this 2-week series, I really would like for each of you to sit down with your spouse and talk through these potentially problematic areas. Are any of them creeping in? Are there any knocking at your door? Are any of them already a problem? And then talk about how you can prevent them, work on them, or rid yourself & your marriage of any already present. What is your plan of attack to work through any of these parasites that are already attacking your marriage? How can you keep your home and marriage protected? What can you do to better treasure and protect one another? It’s time to get real with one another and make sure your home, your relationship, your marriage, your life, and your family are protected.

If you aren’t married yet, what are the parasites that might already be attacking you that could harm your future marriage and spouse? Being a great spouse and having a strong marriage starts long before the “I do’s.” Make sure you aren’t setting yourself up for failure in the future. Safeguard yourself now. Think about the things you want and need to do for any future relationships or in your current relationship to protect your future marriage. Start preparing now and implementing those safeguards sooner than later because you will be thankful you did later on!

I will leave you with a great passage from The Love Dare:

“Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrows, successes, and failures. But when you think about what you want marriage to be like, the furthest thing from your mind is a battleground. However, there are some battles you should be more than willing to fight. These are battles that pertain to protecting your spouse.

Unfortunately your marriage has enemies out there. They come in different forms and use different strategies, but nonetheless they will conspire to destroy your relationship unless you know how to ward them off.”

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting. 

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Parasites of Marriage: Love Tip #1

Friday, March 12th, 2010

I want to take a little break in the action to pause and reflect on this week’s series so far. There are so many things out there that come at us slyly and attractively pulling us away from one of the most important and wonderful things we are blessed with…our marriage. The sad and challenging part about these parasites of marriage are that they don’t come on all of the sudden but rather slowly, piece by piece, taking more and more of who we are. The goal is to identify problematic areas, keep them in check, keep each other accountable, and always remember the importance of your marriage.

This weekend I want you to pause and reflect on the things already discussed:

  • Communication
  • Finances
  • Harmful Influences

Are any of these pulling you away from precious and quality time and connectedness with your spouse (and children if you have them)? If so, which ones? Once you have identified if any of these areas are problematic for you and your marriage, think of ways you could put these back in their place. Maybe it’s turning your phone or computer off or putting it in the other room when you get home from work so that your spouse and/or family get your undivided attention. Maybe it’s limiting yourself to a certain number of hours watching the television. Maybe it’s sitting down with your spouse to come up with a budget and setting some ground rules about your finances. Maybe it’s sitting down for 15 minutes every day to just talk with your spouse & hear about what’s going on in his/her life that day. Maybe it’s going to see a professional to work through some of this stuff. You figure out what you need to do to get your priorities in order. Take time to communicate this with your spouse, so you can go at it together.

If at all possible, do a date night this weekend. Even if it’s just for a couple of hours, plan an outing. If money is tight, make dinner at home, light some candles, grab a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store, write down a couple of sweet things to your spouse in a card, and just spend some quality time together at home with the 2 of you. If you can afford to, take your spouse out to dinner and then to somewhere fun and/or romantic (mini golf, movie theater, ice skating, bowling, etc.). Laugh, talk, and love one another…fill each other’s love tanks up!

*To comment on this entry, simply click on the “no comment” link in blue just below the post (if someone has already commented, you will see a number instead of “no” in front of “comment”). Fill out the form that pops up. Your name & email are not required. Once you have entered your comment, click on the “Submit a Comment,” and it will appear once it is approved for posting. 

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Basic Instincts: Love Tip

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Men and women are beautifully and wonderfully different. Granted those same differences can be challenging and frustrating, but they really are complimentary. A man and a woman together make a complete picture. It’s kind of like Velcro. Each side of the Velcro is totally different, but when brought together they are powerful & hold things together. On their own they no longer have that functionality; it’s only when brought together that they are able to produce a bonding quality.

This weekend, take the time to celebrate your differences & embrace your natural roles as a man and as a woman. Sit down with one another and talk about your differences. What are your strengths? What are his/her strengths? How does that cause problems at times? How has that been beneficial at times? Are you happy with the roles you have? If not, what can you change? Talk through these questions and see what you come up with and where you can go with the conversation.

Also, take time to meet your spouse’s primary need. Men, do something to communicate love to your wife this weekend. Maybe it’s as simple as taking 30 seconds to tell her that you love her, she is beautiful, and you appreciate so much about her (insert specific examples here). Women, make sure to go out of your way to show some respect to your husband this weekend. When he does something for you or the kids, tell him what a great man he is both as a husband and a father. Maybe he forgets to take the trash out, don’t start yelling at him how he always forgets. Instead, take the trash out of the bin, and set it by the door without a word. When he goes to take it out & expects you to give him “the look” or yell at him, simply tell him thank you and that you appreciate his help.

Can’t think of anything? Ask your spouse what makes him feel respected/her feel loved. Then do it later when he/she isn’t expecting it.

Singles or Dating – You can apply the conversation from above to yourself and/or to your relationship. If you are dating, talk about your expectations & hopes for the roles of a husband and/or wife. Ask him what makes him feel respected. Ask her what makes her feel loved. Singles, talk with some friends or journal about your hopes/expectations for the roles of each spouse in marriage. Also, talk about what makes you feel loved/respected. What are things you want to do to make your future spouse feel loved/respected.

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